Getting Back Together After Breaking Up

The end of a relationship doesn’t have to be permanent.  If you exercise some patience, perseverance and creativity, you can convince your ex that they made a mistake.  Here are some useful do’s and don’ts for getting back together.

• Don’t drink yourself into oblivion. Alcohol is a depressant, so if you overindulge you will be doing yourself a real disservice.  If you are self-medicating to forget your troubles or fall asleep, there are more effective and less harmful ways to reach those goals. 
• Do be patient.  Whatever the reasons for your breakup were, it will take time for both you and your partner to work through all of the emotional complications.  If your ex was extremely angry, you need to wait for them to calm down before initiating any attempts to communicate.  Another advantage of waiting is that, the longer you wait, the more likely they will begin to miss you.
• Don’t settle for a rebound.  You may wish to seek some comfort in the arms of a throw-away date.  The attention and sexual release you get won’t really satisfy your emotional needs, so don’t take the easy way out. If your ex finds out that you are just out of the relationship and bedding the next thing that walks by, it will make you appear like a slut or a hound dog.  Your ex will still feel somewhat possessive of you even after the relationship ends, and you don’t want to create more resentment.
• Send a letter.  Take some time to put down everything you want to say on paper.  You may wish to write the first few drafts on your laptop, but the copy you send should be handwritten. Emails should be avoided because they are so impersonal and disposable.  You should open with an apology; take credit for your mistakes.  Your ex will be grateful for your honesty.  Then describe what you think went wrong with the relationship and how  you intend to fix them. Explain your vision for a relationship this time, with how you would do things differently.  You are essentially doing a sales job, but be realistic.  You don’t want to turn off your ex with unrealistic fantasies.
• Don’t cyberstalk your ex. Constantly texting,calling or emailing your ex can seem harmless to you, but, you are responding to your emotional needs, not those of your ex.  He/she may view your continual attempts at communication as harassment.  Don’t step over any personal boundaries.  If you feel compelled to contact your ex, make it short, direct and rare. That way it will be much more impactful.
• Spend some time at the gym.  Getting in good shape physically can really pay off in your attempts to get back together.   Not only will it help you deal with your heartache, but it will raise your sex appeal and confidence.  The next time your ex sees you, they should be impressed at how good you look, even after such a devastating breakup.  And your rock hard abs should be a pretty good incentive to give you a second chance.
• Don’t make an emotional plea.  Showing up on your ex’s doorstep with flowers and tears won’t help your cause.  Your ex probably knows how much you love them.  And getting on your knees to beg for a second chance is actually undermining your efforts to reconcile.  Crying and begging makes you look pitiful and extremely unattractive.
• Win some allies among your ex’s inner circle.  Put some effort into making friends with some of your ex’s buddies.  This may be difficult to accomplish, but having someone close to your ex who will speak up on your behalf could be just the thing to convince them.  If you don’t naturally run into any of your ex’s friends, you may have to put some effort into tracking them down.  If you know where they spend their free time, you will want to arrange an “inadvertent” meeting.

Dead relationships can rise from the grave, if you are willing to work for it.  You may have to take some risks and pray for some luck, but that person you love can come back to you.   After all, it happens to thousands of couples every day.

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